Okay..*note to self, keep all dreams to yourself.*

Thank God I did not whore my blog out to the world, cos If I did, that'd be SOCIAL SUICIDE. Ugh...

Moving on..

Yesterday I told you I went to Jerald's house for FJPL ( fun, joy, peace 'n' laughter ). And I was right, cos you see my dear readers/blog hoppers/bloggers, Dearest Jerald bought 2 kunais. What are kunais you may ask? There's two things that you can do.

1)Watch Naruto.

2)A kunai is a knife, that has a handle with a circular hole in it. It's like a dagger. Check it up on Wikipedia if you want to.

So he bought two plastic kunais. And I borrowed one of his kunai, and Jerald took one of his own. And we looked at each other in the eye, and then...

"FUCKFIGHT"

So we had a mock fight, which was PRETTY FUCKING FUNNY I TELL YOU. I swear to God, if I had a vid cam, I would so record it.

But wearing masks of course. I wanna keep what little dignity that I have left. xD

We played, like little children. We made those ultra cool SFX like..*pewpew,shing,slash* and the occasional grunt of "pain".

:/

I wonder if I'm ever going to get a girlfriend if I keep doing this, haha! Prolly not, but I wanna retain my childish behavior. It feels nostalgic, not being young again. Forced to grow up and be mature when shit gets shoved in your face. I didn't ask for this. No one did, yet they have to endure. Life is such a bitch sometimes, you know?

But what to do..persevere..and all that standard answer crap. Sometimes I wonder if the all the crap I'm saying through my mouth is all real. If it is, let me accomplish what I've said, because I don't wanna tok kok.

All
Day
Long

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Yesterday..(again) after my FJPL at Jerald's house, I walked all the day from Yew Tee to Lot 1.

Geez, I made that sound like an achievement or something.

So I walked. And walked. And walked some mo- HEY I FOUND A DOLLAR-

Anyways, where was I? Oh, right. Walking. When I was walking the half hour destination ride from his house to Lot 1, I had some time to reflect about my life, my dreams, my goals and my wishes. And then suddenly, I realized that..

I had no dreams. No goals or no wishes. I had nothing to live for in life, yet why am I still here? I'm like a parasite, leeching off others. I'm a pest, a fly on the wall. A distraction that sidetracks people from their goals. I drag them with me, cos I'm clinging on the flimsy prospect that somehow, through them, I'll find my life again. I'll find what it means to live for your goals, your dreams and your hopes. I'm living an empty life. A life with nothing in it. Crystal said once, on her MSN P.M.,

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Wise words from wise people.

So now, I'm re-evaluating my life. I wanna feel that passion that I see in everyone of my friends when I see them. Some people live for love. Others' for money. Some for popularity or fame. Me?

I live, just because I don't wanna die. It's a coward's way of living. Live just for the sake of it. I only have one life, and I've got to make the most of it. There's alot of things that I wanna see, touch, taste, smell, and hear. I wanna see the world, but I won't deny myself of life's simple pleasures. I wanna hug my wife, my girlfriend, feel the warmth and love radiating of her whenever she's around. I wanna taste sweet Nirvana. I wanna taste the most simplest of snacks to the most exquisite meal I've ever had. I wanna smell new things, from the aroma of the best perfume, to the odour of a skunk's smell. I wanna hear only three words. Three simple words which seems so near yet so far away.

"I love you"

Nobody's ever loved me in a more intimate relationship. I admit, I'm not the most attractive, or the most athletic, or the most kindest and nicest guy you've ever met. You've probably met people who are all three of what I've mentioned. I'm not the perfect man. But I am THE MAN.

I bring the word MAN to IMAN

Wo shi nan ren, all the way.

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I think I've matured. Well, not really. Just..gradually. In time, I'll be older, and with age comes wisdom. I'll hardly smile. Hardly laugh. I'm not going to be a bisexual, fun, attention-seeking boy teen who laughs at the top of his voice. I won't crack anymore gay jokes, I won't be gay with my bros. I'm growing up.

I feel so sad. Like I've lost something important. A part of me has died today.

How about you?